shatteredglass

melody

2009-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

as i lay awake and counted stars,
one scarlet night my mind waging wars!
in a twilight when most thoughts thrive,
i saw my life in stages of five!

as each life extends as each mind evolves as promises pile up as many wishes heap!
short though these phases they taught me a lesson each!
as i lay awake in the scarlet splendour, some soft melody it echoed in my head!

i clapped in glee when i first found speech!
i gasped in wonder as my wants were now within reach!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!

i twirled, i laughed, i skipped in the lawn.
i fell and i hurt but i smiled every dawn!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody, it echoed in my head!

i grew, i tumbled, i discovered much.
i fell but i fret and sighed such!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!

i learnt of love and hurt and winced,
a simple kiss those sores, they rinsed!
of broken dreams and of bitter spite,
i was taught to bear in search of a right!
of backfired vows and hapless plight,
of pushing to rise toward a light!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!

now as i lay, thoughts warring in my mind,
i hope, i thrill, i pray i promise!
i look for the drive, that one certain beam,
the struggle, the sweat, behind so much dream!

i turn again to the velvet darks,
instead, a golden orb it shimmers and sparks!!
as i smile, as i sigh, as i lay awake that orange dawn, a soft melody echoed in my head!

every whisper, every fear, every hope, every win, every pain, every memory;
each a unique sound, each a choice tune, each a special song.

and so as i smile, as i sigh, as i lay awake,
a soft melody echoed in my head! soft melody echoed in my head!

2008-03-21T02:19:00.000-07:00

Seven months ago, came a stroke of good luck;
in the form of a best friend; a real, real best friend.

A guy who laughed along with me about my biggest embarrassments;
A guy who caught onto every word & remembered to remember when I questioned him.

A best friend.
A best friend who knew how I breathed, where I walked, when I laughed, why I cried;
A best friend who knew what warmed me, what broke me.

A best friend who was there- all the time.
A best friend who was just a sleepy phone call away- at 3:45 AM.

A best friend who lifted me from my deepest emotional lows.

In him, I refound part of myself I thought I’d lost forever.
In him, I learnt so much that I never knew existed.
Most importantly, in him, I rediscovered my humour; I refound my laughter.

Seven months ago, I struck great luck;
In the form of a best friend.
A best friend so special that I even forgot to miss having a boy friend.:)

Today, he is in love.
Head over heels in love, & almost sinfully happy about it.

I couldn’t possibly have been more intent & involved in helping him find this happiness.
I couldn’t possibly be more delighted for him.

But suddenly, my world has turned upside down.
Suddenly, I find myself wading through weekends without him.
Suddenly, I find myself being forced to smile understandingly, when he promises to call back.

I find myself listening to his love thank me for having ‘taken care of him‘.
I find myself numb with shock, for some reason.

I find myself feeling pride & delight & a twinge of agony when I hear him declare that his love has replaced me as the best thing that ever happened to him.

On one hand, I’m coping up, only quite well, & nearly wholly happily, to being ‘second-most’ .
On the other, I’m finding it plain impossible to digest the fact that someone else loves him more than I do or claims to; that someone else knows him better than I do or claims to.

Suddenly, I find myself, quite senselessly, blaming even MY being busy on that someone else.
Suddenly, I find myself blaming our smallest arguments & the slightest distance, on his new-found “love”.
Suddenly, I find myself wondering if I ever were 'first-best'!

Suddenly, I feel LONELY.
Suddenly, I’m completely lost!

I feel juvenile, immature & even inconsiderate.
I also feel human.

I don’t wish to be treated like a princess.
I don’t wish to be first priority.
I just want to be included too.

As much as I want him to be blissfully happy in love; I also want him to bother to laugh at a crow on an electric cable.
I want him to bother to call me ‘also’ in the middle of his class to tell me about his professor wearing his pants at his chest!
I want him to assure me that there is no ‘personal space’!
I want him to promise me that ‘WE’ never will be done.

Seven months ago, I struck blinding brilliant luck;
In the form of a best friend.
This is to remind him of what he already knows.
This is to remind him to remember every word i'm writing now- ALWAYS.

Seven months ago, I struck GOLD;
in the form of a best friend.
A real, real best friend.
I CANNOT see him go.

SAURAV GANGULY, because he is.....

2008-03-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Writing bout somebody on a special day or an event kind of “insignificates” the person.
It reduces him/her to “jus very special”.
It doesn’t nearly capture the essence of what you’re trying to say.

So, keeping this in mind, on the occasion of “no-real occasion”, I tell you about my hero-
A certain saurav chandidas ganguly.

When you think Indian cricket, you immediately think Sachin Tendulkar; not that I blame you; his mere presence sometimes manages to spellbind you, as does that staggering record.

But well, there are other men & whether you like it or not, saurav ganguly is one of them.

To understand the value of his contribution to Indian cricket, we, without prejudice, rewind to the year 2000.

We analyze saurav ganguly and the controversy that always surrounds him.
We analyze the man who was made captain when nothing was working, nobody wanted the job.
As if a string of failures weren’t enough, the match-fixing scandal ate away half the team & with it swallowed the faith of a hundred crore cricket lovers across the nation.
He, as if by sheer magic, brought into the scene a bunch of nobodies & defended their inclusions in the side, until each one of them proved him right.

To back young blood in front of what is arguably the most parochial board in the cricket world, takes a brave man.
To inject that X-factor, that zip, that element of a street-fighter into every one of them, takes a winner!
To actually build a whole cricket team, slowly, single-handedly, takes a LEADER!.
Ganguly was never captain, he was leader!

A dreadful personal run coupled with Greg chapell’s now famous “confidential” complaint letter to the BBCI, led to him being rather cruelly dumped from the side & stripped off captaincy.
His phoenix-like rise from the ashes after an 11-month-layoff, not only drew silence & shock, but also salutes from his every critic.

Right from his bizarre refusal to carry drinks onto the field at 23, to appearing at the toss in shorts, to innumerable accusations of arrogance from various quarters, to allegations of sledging, to altercations with Stephen Waugh, to stripping his shirt off at the Lords in 2002, to wearing his heart on his sleeve, to fire, to grace, to passion, to aggression , he always has been a puzzle; an enigma; a wonder; a reason for little boys to hold their breaths, India’s exclusive “lord snooty” , our very own brave-heart, our very own winner, our first ever leader!

I remember being 12; I remember widening my eyes in horror every time I heard him swear!

I remember his first post-captaincy speech; I remember that steel behind the camera flashes in his eyes!

I remember keeping awake all night just to watch him bat, even as we lost; I remember wondering if there could be a prettier cricketing sight than an off-drive off his blade!
I remember admiring his every action; I remember latching onto his every word!!

I remember watching him being crowned the most successful captain in Indian test history.

I remember learning organic chemistry in my tuition centre when I received a text-msg saying he’d been dropped; I remember bursting into tears that very moment!

I remember watching his comeback inning; I remember the clutch in my throat; I remember feeling overwhelmingly proud, I remember not being able to speak, I remember staring at the screen, I remember feeling, just…numb.

When I think of saurav ganguly, I remember the man who unknowingly sculpted my childhood; I remember the man who taught me cricket; I remember the man who brought me immense, immense happiness!!

I wonder if cricket will hold the same charm to me, once he’s gone.
I live in a fantasy world, I know.
Hero worship is foolish, yeah.
He never will know of me and he never will read all this that I’m writing now.
So if u see him someday, just thank him, on my behalf, for, he gave me so much joy, & tell him I never want to see him go.

I hope my words at least remotely express, how tender I feel when I think about him;
How proud I am to watch him bat;
How much in awe I am of all that fire;
How humbled I am by that sublime grace;
How thankful I am, to say I’m a daughter of the same soil, as is saurav gangly.

He is my hero, is saurav ganguly.
He is my hero, my idol, my champion, my inspiration, my super-star, my “gasp-factor”!
He is my hero, is saurav ganguly! :)

2008-02-09T12:31:00.001-08:00

Birthdays have always meant different things to me at different points in my life.
now,at eighteen, inbetween teenage n actual adult-hood, wen everything seems futile n life feels torturous, celebrating a birthday seems rather juvenile.

still, it happens to be my best friend's birthday today.
my best ever best friend.

he exasperates me wid his narcissism.
he makes me cry everyday.
he slams the phone down abruptly n threatens to commit suicide wen he's remotely depressed.
he laughs at ppl on the road n shocks me wid his blunt cruelty.
he gets on ma nerves effortlessly n makes me wonder why i even talk to him.

oh, n by the way, he jus about constitutes my world.
my ENTIRE world.

2007-12-30T20:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, jus sometimes, the adult in each one of us wakes up, worries, prepares, n plans for what lies ahead.
This pseudo-serious you/me “VISUALISES“.
The child inside though, continues to dream.:):)

Surprisingly, most of us, turn out to posses a certain sense of social responsibility & pride, and at some point in our lives, we may have dreamt of an ideal nation , or atleast cribbed about how we are n wondered if we could ever be….

To a social worker, an ideal India is one bereft of poverty & devoid of disease.

I’m no such activist ;
I am, only a young dream talking.

Through my eyes I only see,
A nation where the poor manage to laugh, and the rich bow down to cry ;
A nation where children learn whilst they study ;
A nation where the souls speaks and the lips merely mouth; where the eyes dance and the feet merely move;
A nation that is a colorful collage of astounding similarities within celebrated differences.
A nation that smiles through tears and strives for success;
A nation that fights until she falls ;
A nation that rises every time she lays!!

A country where,
Safety is secure, and peace wholesome ;

Where religion is revered and each life treasured ;
Where God is love, and love, unbidden.
Where passion is searing, and every celebration a festivity ;

A country where,
Equality is a given, and corruption unheard of ;
Where happiness is rapturous, and sorrow cursed upon ;
Where truth is a vow, and betrayal, sin!!

A land where,
Laughter booms and tears dry;
Where a smile redeems and, hope reigns supreme!

A country that promises to never dilute it’s essence with western influx;
A nation of orange tigers and incense sticks and spice;
A nation of silk sarees and heavy gold and jasmine flowers;
A country of vivid colours, and beautiful women;
A land of liquid sunshine and bamboo trees and cloth cradles on coconut palms!!

A land that vows to forever stay, INDIA.:)

A country ,
Where pride is fire;
Where spirit is DUTY;
Where freedom is fearless;
Where fragrance is….SOIL!!

And this is me- a mere dream.
A young dream.
A dream that ought not to be crushed by indifference.
A dream that ought not to be trampled by ignorance.

Together, we can architect a beautiful, beautiful nation;
Together, we can rejoice!
Together, we can start living.

Tomorrow, let each one of us awaken to a brand new millennium.., eight years after it‘s .actual occurrence.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.:):)

2007-12-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

Black, i bleed! dark, i see!
why is it only gloom around me?

i pretend to smile, all heart n no guile!!
i shut my eyes, somebody roll the dice!!
then unfolds the game, and i lose all hope!!
somebody save me from the blame!! somebody save me from the rope!!

while I'm wading through this neck-deep slush;
i wonder if i will again see a raspberry blush!!

all my dreams, will they crush?
or destiny, will her sweet hands brush?

my life, in colours will god ever paint?
He creates ME, yet pretends to be a saint!

i walk alone! Thorns, they prick my feet!!
will it now & always be only defeat?

my clothes they tear! my hands, they are bare!
somebody protect me from that evil glare!

And again , i bleed! dark i see!
why is it only gloom around me??

i still see the world in black and white;
i still ponder over what is wrong n right!

as i sift through this closing night;
i cannot help but grope for light!!

foolish faith is golden; my eyes full of dream!!
through blood and gore, they still sometimes gleam!!

patience is vain, life is a fight;
i still survive on 'what just might' !

A church's mouse wants to be a queen !!
spare me please , I'm only eighteen!!

strength, i seek!
solace, i seek!
truth, i seek!
sane, i seek!
speech, i seek!

spirit, i seek!!

will the flood ever stoop?
will the sun again warm??

will the heat always scorch?
will the rain ever quench?

is there a glimmer?
will there be silver??
but where will be a bank ?
when there is no river?!

Black, i bleed! dark, i see!!
why is it only gloom around me?
why is it only gloom around me??

My rainbow world! :)

2007-10-28T02:55:00.000-07:00

have you ever wanted to be a kid again?
have you ever wanted to see everything around you in all it's sweet innocence undisturbed?

for the next few minutes, I'm gonna describe to you, my world in COLOURS;in random, vivid images.
n for someone like me, my world, is constituted by my PEOPLE.
the few people, outside my home n family, my life revolves around.

there's ma girl-best friend.
ma best friend in every sense of the word.
you would probably expect the only feminine influence in my life to be soft hues n sweet pinks n cream whites.

she is anything but all that.:)

she is bit of cherry-red n a little steel-blue.
she's the colour of joy. she's the colour of resolve.

she's olive n brown with yellow streaks in between.
she's the colour of strength.
at the same time,she's zip !! she's also zing.!!

she' s is fire n ice n dew,all at once.
she is contradiction personified.:):)

she is just SHE.
n always will be.
:):)

then there's the recently discovered myriad of colours, much,much more precious than most.
he's the colour of giving without asking.he is grass green.
he's the colour of brilliance.he's the colour of diamonds.

he's sky blue n fire-red
he's the colour of passion..
he's the colour of obsession.

he's deep purple n maroon.
he's sophistication reborn.

he's the colour of hope n dream.
he is priority.
he's the colour of rain!!:):)

there are also people who manage to influence even when not in close proximity.

there's someone seven seas far away.he's lime-green n deep orange.
he's the colour of humor n frolic n happiness.
he's also soft pink.he's the colours of goodness n friendship.

there's also a plainer mixture of grey n navy.

he's more balanced than he is bland
he's is more substance than he is subdued.
he's off-white n satiny blue.
he's a ready shoulder to lean on.
a ready hand to wipe ma tears away.

then .....there is the most loosely-bound, graphic image I've witnessed in the last seventeen years.

the image of a person who ought not to affect me in least anymore.
the image of a person who sadly, still manages to immensely.
the image of a person who knows he still does affect tremendously.

he's way too many colours.
he embodies complexity.

he's too much murky green n too little red.
he's too much desire n too little passion.

he's charcoal grey n caramel brown.
he's as crass as he is classy.
he's as much confusion as he is pretense.

but for me, he is also the colour of 'care'.
he's the colour of tears.
n more importantly,he's the colour of MEMORY.

n then there is the longing for that special colour swirl.

somewhere, there is a man who is as scarlet as he is silver.
a man who is as common as he is conspicuous.

a man who is lots of black n a little platinum.
someone who's as intriguing as he is obvious.

a man who's the colour of laughter.
a man who's the colour of comfort.
a man who is turquoise blue.

a man who is searing passion yet soft compassion.
a man who is wild aggression yet subtle discretion.

a man who is the sun.
a man who is the stars..

or at least, the DREAM of a man who is all that..
n for me, each dream is gold dust;
is a treasure.:):)

n this is my life through a child's eyes.
this is an abstract explanation of a still young existence.
this is my happiness and my sorrow illustrated.
this is my thrills n my troubles canvased.

this is my world.
this is my pretty, little world.
m colourful, colourful world.

my rainbow world.:):)

2007-10-07T03:35:00.000-07:00

MEMORIES.

Strong word…isn’t that?
Memories confuse you.
They can instill sanity.
They can inspire insanity.
They can stimulate hope.
They can crush all faith.
They can shelter.
They can squash.

Why do we sometimes remember what we need to forget, when we need to?
Why do we sometimes overlook the most obvious truths staring right into our faces?

It’s amazing how the stupidest things can rekindle the most poignant memories.
How remembering your happiest moments can depress you is something all of us ask ourselves from time to time.

Why are there times when everything seems to fall perfectly in place?
The grass seems greener, the neighbourhood prettier, the flowers smile up at you n the sun grins brightly.

Why are there times when living itself seems futile?
The blooms look dead, the heat scorches you, laughter sickens n the world points fingers.

But if it were any other way, would you like it?
N would I?

Over a period, life charms you in it’s own quaint way, don u think?:)

2007-10-06T09:14:00.001-07:00

i'm not as depressed as my last post says i am anymore.

writing always helps you calm down,doesn it?

2007-10-06T09:08:00.000-07:00

look around you....!!

Why is there so much hurt?so much pain?
so much dirt;so much grime?
so much sorrow?;so many tears?

why is everything around me dead?
why is the sky breaking just above ma head??
why is it threatening to fall down??....on you..n me??

why is there no tenderness in love?
why is there perversion in passion?

why is there no bonding in friendship?
why is there no promise in trust?

why is there no warmth in a smile?
why is there no dance in laughter?

why is there no TRUTH in ecstasy?
oh..why is there no rapture in glee?

why is there no rain without sludge?
why is there no sun without gloom?

why is the darkness so pitch?
why is there no silver lining??

BLACK i feel!!
BLACK i hear!!
BLACK i taste!!
BLACK i see!!

BLACK,forever will it be?!

come,fall in love!!

2007-09-07T09:02:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have actually been following my blog might have noticed that I deleted a certain post bout getting back to my “ex-HIM”.

All thru the last two years people have warned me bout the heart-wrenching pain that love sometimes causes …n when they did, all I could do was to but scoff at the very notion of the astoundingly beautiful emotion actually hurting me.

I was certain only fools could get hurt in love.
I stupidly convinced myself I wasn’t one….at that time.

At that time, according to me… LOVE was what made the grass green, the sky blue, the birds twitter, the sun dawn!
Love was the very essence of life.

It was the dance in all laughter.
It was the flavour in all fragrance.
It was the chaos in all noise.
It was the poignancy in all silence.
It was the melody in all music.
For some strange reason…at that time…to me …love was what the whole world seemed to work on.

Love is STILL all those things.:)
N much much more.

I don’t want my story…or yours….. to be jus another case of unrequited love.
A sob story bout a helpless female impossibly in love; pining for the guy who forgot to bother to care is the last thing women-dom needs now.:)

Love is a lesson by itself.
It never fails to stun me with its sheer power to turn life on top of its head.

But more importantly…..love is a GIFT.
It is the only thing in the world that doesn’t involve business.
It is the only thing that remains “unconditional” in every sense of the word.

There’s only ONE way to love and to laugh---insanely; without reason.:)
At the risk of sounding incredibly romantic n utterly stupid…I suggest each one of us try to love like we ve never been hurt before!

Love can fade.
But it NEVER dies.
It always exists around you in some form……fuelled by the sweetest word coined by the English-HOPE.

Sometimes the pain love causes literally slices thru you, cold n cruel.
it travels to corners you never knew existed in you keeps chipping away.
You wanna weep n curse n fume n fight those emotions all at once.

n When that very force lurks right above you n threatens to break on your head….you wanna surrender to the pain; silently succumb to what is obviously more powerful than you are.
I wanted to.
Trust me.

but its only when you pull yourself thru all that you realise you re truly blessed.:)

I loved ‘him’.
With a force that stunned me.
A force that startled me.
A force stronger than anything YOU could’ve possibly witnessed.
N even after all the pain I’m not one bit ashamed of all that.

If I was hurt…..I’m not showing it…..am I?!

Come, fall in love..!!:)

2007-08-05T11:23:00.000-07:00

have you ever wondered why cricket is still the most popular sport of the nation???

despite a miserable world cup in the windies;
despite internal scandals so ugly that they even extinguish your fire for gossip;
despite the current team actuallly being a bunch of individuals loosely bound by a thread called a "team- manager";
despite the embarrasment after embarrasment we- the cricket-watchin-public face after each poundin loss...

WHY is cricket....arguably...but STILL a phenomenon in our country..?

why do those colleg students sneak in smses every over durin an india-IRELAND encounter.?
why do spectacled office-goers still tune onto the radios on their moile phones under the hawk-eyes of their higher officials..?
why does the frugal tea-shop owner bring with him to work a miniature tv set evryday?
why do the men workin at a nearby constuction site flock into that tea shop durin their ten-minute lunch break?
why do sari-clad middle-aged women pray fervently that MS.dhoni hits a sixer?

well...if you ask me...watchin cricket is a lot like being in love.
the heart-stoppin excitement;the shatterin anguish.the delights;the disappointments.the thrills;the heart-breaks.
the joy.the laughter.
the pain.
the PROMISE.

so?what makes the game so special?

in a nation starved of success in sport...a sachin tendulkar is not jus a star;he is the SUN.
in a country that shelterd gandhi and housed ahimsa....a gnarling,bare-chested saurav ganguly is an inspiration;a wonder.
in a land governed by aging,murky men in white...a fourteen year old gully-cricket player is a reason to pride;to beam.

in an india...cricket is but a source of "HOPE".

we are not and probably never will be the greatest cricketin nation in the world..n other sports might take over cricket in popularity.
but for some...cricket will ALWAYS remain a reason to smile.

to say "awww..cricket is only a game..!!" is almost ridiculous.
to call cricket a 'religion' is too cliched,
to call it a 'rage' seems too inadequate,
to call it a "celeberation of life" itself sounds jus right.

2007-08-05T11:19:00.001-07:00

that i have'nt posted anything on what was and maybe still is probably my biggest passion is quite surprising..not jus for me..but for those who know me really well.

yeah.im talkin bout cricket.

why a sport like cricket should be a teenage girl's PASSION....above all other things....crossin the boundaries of mascarra n lip gloss n pretty models n leather pumps n celery stalks;is rather dumbfoundin.

i remember wen i was eleven years old sighin at the television screen and wonderin how two dozen sweaty men in drab uniforms chasin after an ever-evadin ball could hold the non-flinchin attention of bout twenty supposedly civilised adults in my drawin room.

i also remember seein those very people jump up like hooligans and n scream n curse n rant n rave.
well....that was when i started to wonder...and look where its got me now..!

2007-06-17T08:47:00.000-07:00

i don want you thinking I've run out of topics to talk about....so this post.

n what am i going to tell u about today?

its the latest rage that has swept south India in the last few months.
its the current topic on conversation at 7.30 AM breakfast tables.
its what IT professionals discuss in their lunch hour.
its what 12B bus conductor talks about with the regulars on the bus.
its what ten-year-olds are now gabbling about.
its what middle-class women are at this moment gossiping about in the evenings.

its is........a phenomenon called SIVAJI.

to me...........n maybe to you............this is just a movie.
a lavish,big movie.
but nothing more.

firstly........this is not a review or a a spoiler of sorts.....so read on even if you haven seen the film.

one look at the crowds thronging the sathyams n abiramis n alberts of chennai alike..........you wonder if this is after all just a movie.

a glimpse of the [in]famous milk n beer bottles emptied out on cut outs of the super-star as if to prove his demi-god status......you doubt if YOU are the weird one out.

reports of friends willing to pay thousands for a ticket to the first day's first show confirms your doubt!!

you enter the theatre to shouts of 'thailava' n hoots n whistles n cat-calls from men in drunken stupors.
you stare at the college students dancing to the opening number n blowing kisses to the screen and grimace n smile with amusement at the same time.

you see the little girl living down your street stare at the screen.....wide-eyed n open-mouthed.
you see the grumpy old man working at your dad's office wave at you cheerfully.

you notice the meagre clerk fish out his hard-earned savings n proudly buy tickets for his family of six.

n you suddenly realise.............that for many..........this is a dream come true.

For the hard-core fan who waits every three years to perform his customary milk n beer 'abishekams';for that grumpy man i told you about who believes that Tamil cinema is a waste of time save the super star ;for that little girl who swoons at the hero's hairstyle;for that clerk who visits the theatre twice a year;for the middle class woman shyly holding her husband's hand n smiling without knowing.

then.........you look back at the screen.

you see the expensive sets n the lavish costumes,you note the visual extravagance,you stare at the drop-dead gorgeous heroine young enough to be the hero's daughter,you notice Rahman's enthralling music,you realise the strong feel-good factor that accompanies all super-star movies..................n you, suddenly struck by a bolt of you-don't-know-what believe that the movie deserves an Oscar.

this is not a movie after all.
thanks to a certain hero.
a super star in every sense of the word
.a certain Sivaji Rao Gaekwad...........otherwise known as Rajnikanth!

---------------------------------------------------

2007-06-07T12:51:00.000-07:00

somewhere down the line.....we lost it.

maybe we panicked.
maybe we over-reacted.
maybe it was a moment of insanity.
maybe it was pure foolishness.
maybe we were hasty.
maybe we were selfish.
maybe we were plain childish.
maybe we ll regret the desicion.

we met again.we relived those moments.
for a moment i saw in his deep brown eyes the same helplessness i felt.he seemed to mirror my feelings..........he seemed to want to hold me again;to make me his;to grab me tight;to never ever let go...............or so i thought.

i wanted to sing ..........once again.

maybe i was dreaming.
maybe i was just HOPING.
maybe..........just maybe.....it really is over.

.........its OVER.

n we have to move on.

i might.

no.

i WILL.

but right now................i just need a hug.

-*-*-*-*-*-*

2007-06-07T12:31:00.000-07:00

We pulled through troubles..........we pushed through problems...........we crossed hurdles.........we egged each other on.......
we decided we were truly meant to be........

we spoke about love n betrayal;loyalty n infidelity;friendship n family;mobile phones n vacations n college degrees n Indian thinking.

we spoke about pet animals n Himalayan forests.

we spoke about the past.
we spoke bout the future.

we dreamt of a future together.

we spoke about a fairy-tale wedding;about white roses n ice sculptures n chocolate fountains decorating the halls.

we spoke about the future.together.

we said "we" not "me".

when i was a wide-eyed little girl in piggy-tails i dreamt of a lover.

An overwhelmingly affectionate,unbelievably committed,extremely possesive macho man.

HE was all those things........n then some.

2007-06-07T12:12:00.001-07:00

it took time.....most things do....but very soon....we were inseperable...
time ticked by.....our inter-twined fingers later growing into near-searing passion,our mumbled words of affection later blossoming into fearless display of love n our soft shyness evolving into happy intimacy seemed to us the ultimate symbol of sweet innocence at its best.....

We GREW...in every sense of the word.....

he kissed me,held me,looked right into me;through me,he told me he loved me truly,madly n deeply,he captured every bit of ma 16 years,he hijacked ma thoughts,he made me smile,he made me proud.

When he did all that..........WITHIN me........i sang.

i was in love......i was hopelessly in love.
you might be skeptical about the idea.....but in a 17 year old's writing....don look out for reasoning.

shattered glass,brittle flowers n a broken heart..........

2007-06-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Its over...and I'm single........i know this is a weird introduction.....but right now i cant seem to think of anything else.......and yeah....I'm heart broken...no prizes for guessing!

firstly...this is NOT to win your sympathy nor is it a rally against love....
this isn't a sob story....it isn't an idea to grab HIS attention n win him back.....
this IS....just ma way of savouring a few exquisite memories n sharing them with you.....a public love journal kinda thing....

This.....is a TRIBUTE to the experience of a lifetime......thanks to a certain "him".

now....for a trip down memory lane.......here goes....

its the 12th of February 2006....a annoyingly warm afternoon.....ma mobile rang.

Amidst lots of senseless,sugar-sweet blabbing on the other end.... he asked me....the already hot day just got sunnier....i still haven figured out why he did...nor has he.

this was followed by an equally awkward "YES" four days later......much to the irritation of ma closest frenz.....n they were ready for him...IT WAS WAR!

Hes just taller than me n has sweet,ebony,caramel skin ,thick dark hair,bright sparkly eyes that SO mirror his thoughts n a gorgeous gorgeous smile that knocks you straight off your feet!
not many think hes great lookin......but i found him more swoon-worthy than any MR.universe........he was perfect.......he was MINE.

he reminds me of a thick slab of chocolate-dark,smooth,Delicious,addictive,....make that a thick slab of BITTER-SWEET chocolate.......