melody

as i lay awake and counted stars,
one scarlet night my mind waging wars!
in a twilight when most thoughts thrive,
i saw my life in stages of five!

as each life extends as each mind evolves as promises pile up as many wishes heap!
short though these phases they taught me a lesson each!
as i lay awake in the scarlet splendour, some soft melody it echoed in my head!


i clapped in glee when i first found speech!
i gasped in wonder as my wants were now within reach!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!


i twirled, i laughed, i skipped in the lawn.
i fell and i hurt but i smiled every dawn!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody, it echoed in my head!

i grew, i tumbled, i discovered much.
i fell but i fret and sighed such!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!

i learnt of love and hurt and winced,
a simple kiss those sores, they rinsed!
of broken dreams and of bitter spite,
i was taught to bear in search of a right!
of backfired vows and hapless plight,
of pushing to rise toward a light!
as i lay awake that scarlet night, a soft melody echoed in my head!

now as i lay, thoughts warring in my mind,
i hope, i thrill, i pray i promise!
i look for the drive, that one certain beam,
the struggle, the sweat, behind so much dream!

i turn again to the velvet darks,
instead, a golden orb it shimmers and sparks!!
as i smile, as i sigh, as i lay awake that orange dawn, a soft melody echoed in my head!

every whisper, every fear, every hope, every win, every pain, every memory;
each a unique sound, each a choice tune, each a special song.

and so as i smile, as i sigh, as i lay awake,
a soft melody echoed in my head! soft melody echoed in my head!

Seven months ago, came a stroke of good luck;
in the form of a best friend; a real, real best friend.


A guy who laughed along with me about my biggest embarrassments;
A guy who caught onto every word & remembered to remember when I questioned him.


A best friend.
A best friend who knew how I breathed, where I walked, when I laughed, why I cried;
A best friend who knew what warmed me, what broke me.


A best friend who was there- all the time.
A best friend who was just a sleepy phone call away- at 3:45 AM.


A best friend who lifted me from my deepest emotional lows.

In him, I refound part of myself I thought I’d lost forever.
In him, I learnt so much that I never knew existed.
Most importantly, in him, I rediscovered my humour; I refound my laughter.




Seven months ago, I struck great luck;
In the form of a best friend.
A best friend so special that I even forgot to miss having a boy friend.:)




Today, he is in love.
Head over heels in love, & almost sinfully happy about it.


I couldn’t possibly have been more intent & involved in helping him find this happiness.
I couldn’t possibly be more delighted for him.




But suddenly, my world has turned upside down.
Suddenly, I find myself wading through weekends without him.
Suddenly, I find myself being forced to smile understandingly, when he promises to call back.


I find myself listening to his love thank me for having ‘taken care of him‘.
I find myself numb with shock, for some reason.

I find myself feeling pride & delight & a twinge of agony when I hear him declare that his love has replaced me as the best thing that ever happened to him.



On one hand, I’m coping up, only quite well, & nearly wholly happily, to being ‘second-most’ .
On the other, I’m finding it plain impossible to digest the fact that someone else loves him more than I do or claims to; that someone else knows him better than I do or claims to.




Suddenly, I find myself, quite senselessly, blaming even MY being busy on that someone else.
Suddenly, I find myself blaming our smallest arguments & the slightest distance, on his new-found “love”.
Suddenly, I find myself wondering if I ever were 'first-best'!


Suddenly, I feel LONELY.
Suddenly, I’m completely lost!



I feel juvenile, immature & even inconsiderate.
I also feel human.



I don’t wish to be treated like a princess.
I don’t wish to be first priority.
I just want to be included too.

As much as I want him to be blissfully happy in love; I also want him to bother to laugh at a crow on an electric cable.
I want him to bother to call me ‘also’ in the middle of his class to tell me about his professor wearing his pants at his chest!
I want him to assure me that there is no ‘personal space’!
I want him to promise me that ‘WE’ never will be done.



Seven months ago, I struck blinding brilliant luck;
In the form of a best friend.
This is to remind him of what he already knows.
This is to remind him to remember every word i'm writing now- ALWAYS.



Seven months ago, I struck GOLD;
in the form of a best friend.
A real, real best friend.
I CANNOT see him go.

SAURAV GANGULY, because he is.....

Writing bout somebody on a special day or an event kind of “insignificates” the person.
It reduces him/her to “jus very special”.
It doesn’t nearly capture the essence of what you’re trying to say.


So, keeping this in mind, on the occasion of “no-real occasion”, I tell you about my hero-
A certain saurav chandidas ganguly.


When you think Indian cricket, you immediately think Sachin Tendulkar; not that I blame you; his mere presence sometimes manages to spellbind you, as does that staggering record.



But well, there are other men & whether you like it or not, saurav ganguly is one of them.


To understand the value of his contribution to Indian cricket, we, without prejudice, rewind to the year 2000.

We analyze saurav ganguly and the controversy that always surrounds him.
We analyze the man who was made captain when nothing was working, nobody wanted the job.
As if a string of failures weren’t enough, the match-fixing scandal ate away half the team & with it swallowed the faith of a hundred crore cricket lovers across the nation.
He, as if by sheer magic, brought into the scene a bunch of nobodies & defended their inclusions in the side, until each one of them proved him right.



To back young blood in front of what is arguably the most parochial board in the cricket world, takes a brave man.
To inject that X-factor, that zip, that element of a street-fighter into every one of them, takes a winner!
To actually build a whole cricket team, slowly, single-handedly, takes a LEADER!.
Ganguly was never captain, he was leader!



A dreadful personal run coupled with Greg chapell’s now famous “confidential” complaint letter to the BBCI, led to him being rather cruelly dumped from the side & stripped off captaincy.
His phoenix-like rise from the ashes after an 11-month-layoff, not only drew silence & shock, but also salutes from his every critic.


Right from his bizarre refusal to carry drinks onto the field at 23, to appearing at the toss in shorts, to innumerable accusations of arrogance from various quarters, to allegations of sledging, to altercations with Stephen Waugh, to stripping his shirt off at the Lords in 2002, to wearing his heart on his sleeve, to fire, to grace, to passion, to aggression , he always has been a puzzle; an enigma; a wonder; a reason for little boys to hold their breaths, India’s exclusive “lord snooty” , our very own brave-heart, our very own winner, our first ever leader!




I remember being 12; I remember widening my eyes in horror every time I heard him swear!

I remember his first post-captaincy speech; I remember that steel behind the camera flashes in his eyes!

I remember keeping awake all night just to watch him bat, even as we lost; I remember wondering if there could be a prettier cricketing sight than an off-drive off his blade!
I remember admiring his every action; I remember latching onto his every word!!

I remember watching him being crowned the most successful captain in Indian test history.

I remember learning organic chemistry in my tuition centre when I received a text-msg saying he’d been dropped; I remember bursting into tears that very moment!

I remember watching his comeback inning; I remember the clutch in my throat; I remember feeling overwhelmingly proud, I remember not being able to speak, I remember staring at the screen, I remember feeling, just…numb.


When I think of saurav ganguly, I remember the man who unknowingly sculpted my childhood; I remember the man who taught me cricket; I remember the man who brought me immense, immense happiness!!



I wonder if cricket will hold the same charm to me, once he’s gone.
I live in a fantasy world, I know.
Hero worship is foolish, yeah.
He never will know of me and he never will read all this that I’m writing now.
So if u see him someday, just thank him, on my behalf, for, he gave me so much joy, & tell him I never want to see him go.



I hope my words at least remotely express, how tender I feel when I think about him;
How proud I am to watch him bat;
How much in awe I am of all that fire;
How humbled I am by that sublime grace;
How thankful I am, to say I’m a daughter of the same soil, as is saurav gangly.


He is my hero, is saurav ganguly.
He is my hero, my idol, my champion, my inspiration, my super-star, my “gasp-factor”!
He is my hero, is saurav ganguly! :)

Birthdays have always meant different things to me at different points in my life.
now,at eighteen, inbetween teenage n actual adult-hood, wen everything seems futile n life feels torturous, celebrating a birthday seems rather juvenile.

still, it happens to be my best friend's birthday today.
my best ever best friend.

he exasperates me wid his narcissism.
he makes me cry everyday.
he slams the phone down abruptly n threatens to commit suicide wen he's remotely depressed.
he laughs at ppl on the road n shocks me wid his blunt cruelty.
he gets on ma nerves effortlessly n makes me wonder why i even talk to him.












oh, n by the way, he jus about constitutes my world.
my ENTIRE world.

Sometimes, jus sometimes, the adult in each one of us wakes up, worries, prepares, n plans for what lies ahead.
This pseudo-serious you/me “VISUALISES“.
The child inside though, continues to dream.:):)



Surprisingly, most of us, turn out to posses a certain sense of social responsibility & pride, and at some point in our lives, we may have dreamt of an ideal nation , or atleast cribbed about how we are n wondered if we could ever be….



To a social worker, an ideal India is one bereft of poverty & devoid of disease.


I’m no such activist ;
I am, only a young dream talking.



Through my eyes I only see,
A nation where the poor manage to laugh, and the rich bow down to cry ;
A nation where children learn whilst they study ;
A nation where the souls speaks and the lips merely mouth; where the eyes dance and the feet merely move;
A nation that is a colorful collage of astounding similarities within celebrated differences.
A nation that smiles through tears and strives for success;
A nation that fights until she falls ;
A nation that rises every time she lays!!



A country where,
Safety is secure, and peace wholesome ;

Where religion is revered and each life treasured ;
Where God is love, and love, unbidden.
Where passion is searing, and every celebration a festivity ;



A country where,
Equality is a given, and corruption unheard of ;
Where happiness is rapturous, and sorrow cursed upon ;
Where truth is a vow, and betrayal, sin!!



A land where,
Laughter booms and tears dry;
Where a smile redeems and, hope reigns supreme!


A country that promises to never dilute it’s essence with western influx;
A nation of orange tigers and incense sticks and spice;
A nation of silk sarees and heavy gold and jasmine flowers;
A country of vivid colours, and beautiful women;
A land of liquid sunshine and bamboo trees and cloth cradles on coconut palms!!

A land that vows to forever stay, INDIA.:)





A country ,
Where pride is fire;
Where spirit is DUTY;
Where freedom is fearless;
Where fragrance is….SOIL!!






And this is me- a mere dream.
A young dream.
A dream that ought not to be crushed by indifference.
A dream that ought not to be trampled by ignorance.

Together, we can architect a beautiful, beautiful nation;
Together, we can rejoice!
Together, we can start living.


Tomorrow, let each one of us awaken to a brand new millennium.., eight years after it‘s .actual occurrence.
HAPPY NEW YEAR.:):)

Black, i bleed! dark, i see!
why is it only gloom around me?


i pretend to smile, all heart n no guile!!
i shut my eyes, somebody roll the dice!!
then unfolds the game, and i lose all hope!!
somebody save me from the blame!! somebody save me from the rope!!


while I'm wading through this neck-deep slush;
i wonder if i will again see a raspberry blush!!


all my dreams, will they crush?
or destiny, will her sweet hands brush?


my life, in colours will god ever paint?
He creates ME, yet pretends to be a saint!


i walk alone! Thorns, they prick my feet!!
will it now & always be only defeat?


my clothes they tear! my hands, they are bare!
somebody protect me from that evil glare!


And again , i bleed! dark i see!
why is it only gloom around me??




i still see the world in black and white;
i still ponder over what is wrong n right!


as i sift through this closing night;
i cannot help but grope for light!!


foolish faith is golden; my eyes full of dream!!
through blood and gore, they still sometimes gleam!!


patience is vain, life is a fight;
i still survive on 'what just might' !


A church's mouse wants to be a queen !!
spare me please , I'm only eighteen!!




strength, i seek!
solace, i seek!
truth, i seek!
sane, i seek!
speech, i seek!

spirit, i seek!!



will the flood ever stoop?
will the sun again warm??


will the heat always scorch?
will the rain ever quench?



is there a glimmer?
will there be silver??
but where will be a bank ?
when there is no river?!



Black, i bleed! dark, i see!!
why is it only gloom around me?
why is it only gloom around me??

My rainbow world! :)

have you ever wanted to be a kid again?
have you ever wanted to see everything around you in all it's sweet innocence undisturbed?

for the next few minutes, I'm gonna describe to you, my world in COLOURS;in random, vivid images.
n for someone like me, my world, is constituted by my PEOPLE.
the few people, outside my home n family, my life revolves around.





there's ma girl-best friend.
ma best friend in every sense of the word.
you would probably expect the only feminine influence in my life to be soft hues n sweet pinks n cream whites.

she is anything but all that.:)

she is bit of cherry-red n a little steel-blue.
she's the colour of joy. she's the colour of resolve.

she's olive n brown with yellow streaks in between.
she's the colour of strength.
at the same time,she's zip !! she's also zing.!!

she' s is fire n ice n dew,all at once.
she is contradiction personified.:):)

she is just SHE.
n always will be.
:):)





then there's the recently discovered myriad of colours, much,much more precious than most.
he's the colour of giving without asking.he is grass green.
he's the colour of brilliance.he's the colour of diamonds.

he's sky blue n fire-red
he's the colour of passion..
he's the colour of obsession.

he's deep purple n maroon.
he's sophistication reborn.

he's the colour of hope n dream.
he is priority.
he's the colour of rain!!:):)




there are also people who manage to influence even when not in close proximity.

there's someone seven seas far away.he's lime-green n deep orange.
he's the colour of humor n frolic n happiness.
he's also soft pink.he's the colours of goodness n friendship.




there's also a plainer mixture of grey n navy.

he's more balanced than he is bland
he's is more substance than he is subdued.
he's off-white n satiny blue.
he's a ready shoulder to lean on.
a ready hand to wipe ma tears away.






then .....there is the most loosely-bound, graphic image I've witnessed in the last seventeen years.

the image of a person who ought not to affect me in least anymore.
the image of a person who sadly, still manages to immensely.
the image of a person who knows he still does affect tremendously.

he's way too many colours.
he embodies complexity.

he's too much murky green n too little red.
he's too much desire n too little passion.

he's charcoal grey n caramel brown.
he's as crass as he is classy.
he's as much confusion as he is pretense.

but for me, he is also the colour of 'care'.
he's the colour of tears.
n more importantly,he's the colour of MEMORY.





n then there is the longing for that special colour swirl.

somewhere, there is a man who is as scarlet as he is silver.
a man who is as common as he is conspicuous.

a man who is lots of black n a little platinum.
someone who's as intriguing as he is obvious.

a man who's the colour of laughter.
a man who's the colour of comfort.
a man who is turquoise blue.

a man who is searing passion yet soft compassion.
a man who is wild aggression yet subtle discretion.

a man who is the sun.
a man who is the stars..


or at least, the DREAM of a man who is all that..
n for me, each dream is gold dust;
is a treasure.:):)





n this is my life through a child's eyes.
this is an abstract explanation of a still young existence.
this is my happiness and my sorrow illustrated.
this is my thrills n my troubles canvased.

this is my world.
this is my pretty, little world.
m colourful, colourful world.


my rainbow world.:):)

MEMORIES.


Strong word…isn’t that?
Memories confuse you.
They can instill sanity.
They can inspire insanity.
They can stimulate hope.
They can crush all faith.
They can shelter.
They can squash.


Why do we sometimes remember what we need to forget, when we need to?
Why do we sometimes overlook the most obvious truths staring right into our faces?


It’s amazing how the stupidest things can rekindle the most poignant memories.
How remembering your happiest moments can depress you is something all of us ask ourselves from time to time.

Why are there times when everything seems to fall perfectly in place?
The grass seems greener, the neighbourhood prettier, the flowers smile up at you n the sun grins brightly.

Why are there times when living itself seems futile?
The blooms look dead, the heat scorches you, laughter sickens n the world points fingers.


But if it were any other way, would you like it?
N would I?



Over a period, life charms you in it’s own quaint way, don u think?:)