i don want you thinking I've run out of topics to talk about....so this post.

n what am i going to tell u about today?




its the latest rage that has swept south India in the last few months.
its the current topic on conversation at 7.30 AM breakfast tables.
its what IT professionals discuss in their lunch hour.
its what 12B bus conductor talks about with the regulars on the bus.
its what ten-year-olds are now gabbling about.
its what middle-class women are at this moment gossiping about in the evenings.

its is........a phenomenon called SIVAJI.



to me...........n maybe to you............this is just a movie.
a lavish,big movie.
but nothing more.


firstly........this is not a review or a a spoiler of sorts.....so read on even if you haven seen the film.


one look at the crowds thronging the sathyams n abiramis n alberts of chennai alike..........you wonder if this is after all just a movie.

a glimpse of the [in]famous milk n beer bottles emptied out on cut outs of the super-star as if to prove his demi-god status......you doubt if YOU are the weird one out.

reports of friends willing to pay thousands for a ticket to the first day's first show confirms your doubt!!



you enter the theatre to shouts of 'thailava' n hoots n whistles n cat-calls from men in drunken stupors.
you stare at the college students dancing to the opening number n blowing kisses to the screen and grimace n smile with amusement at the same time.

you see the little girl living down your street stare at the screen.....wide-eyed n open-mouthed.
you see the grumpy old man working at your dad's office wave at you cheerfully.

you notice the meagre clerk fish out his hard-earned savings n proudly buy tickets for his family of six.

n you suddenly realise.............that for many..........this is a dream come true.


For the hard-core fan who waits every three years to perform his customary milk n beer 'abishekams';for that grumpy man i told you about who believes that Tamil cinema is a waste of time save the super star ;for that little girl who swoons at the hero's hairstyle;for that clerk who visits the theatre twice a year;for the middle class woman shyly holding her husband's hand n smiling without knowing.

then.........you look back at the screen.


you see the expensive sets n the lavish costumes,you note the visual extravagance,you stare at the drop-dead gorgeous heroine young enough to be the hero's daughter,you notice Rahman's enthralling music,you realise the strong feel-good factor that accompanies all super-star movies..................n you, suddenly struck by a bolt of you-don't-know-what believe that the movie deserves an Oscar.

this is not a movie after all.
thanks to a certain hero.
a super star in every sense of the word
.a certain Sivaji Rao Gaekwad...........otherwise known as Rajnikanth!


---------------------------------------------------

somewhere down the line.....we lost it.


maybe we panicked.
maybe we over-reacted.
maybe it was a moment of insanity.
maybe it was pure foolishness.
maybe we were hasty.
maybe we were selfish.
maybe we were plain childish.
maybe we ll regret the desicion.


we met again.we relived those moments.
for a moment i saw in his deep brown eyes the same helplessness i felt.he seemed to mirror my feelings..........he seemed to want to hold me again;to make me his;to grab me tight;to never ever let go...............or so i thought.

i wanted to sing ..........once again.


maybe i was dreaming.
maybe i was just HOPING.
maybe..........just maybe.....it really is over.






.........its OVER.

n we have to move on.

i might.

no.

i WILL.

but right now................i just need a hug.



-*-*-*-*-*-*

We pulled through troubles..........we pushed through problems...........we crossed hurdles.........we egged each other on.......
we decided we were truly meant to be........



we spoke about love n betrayal;loyalty n infidelity;friendship n family;mobile phones n vacations n college degrees n Indian thinking.

we spoke about pet animals n Himalayan forests.



we spoke about the past.
we spoke bout the future.


we dreamt of a future together.

we spoke about a fairy-tale wedding;about white roses n ice sculptures n chocolate fountains decorating the halls.

we spoke about the future.together.

we said "we" not "me".


when i was a wide-eyed little girl in piggy-tails i dreamt of a lover.

An overwhelmingly affectionate,unbelievably committed,extremely possesive macho man.

HE was all those things........n then some.

it took time.....most things do....but very soon....we were inseperable...
time ticked by.....our inter-twined fingers later growing into near-searing passion,our mumbled words of affection later blossoming into fearless display of love n our soft shyness evolving into happy intimacy seemed to us the ultimate symbol of sweet innocence at its best.....

We GREW...in every sense of the word.....

he kissed me,held me,looked right into me;through me,he told me he loved me truly,madly n deeply,he captured every bit of ma 16 years,he hijacked ma thoughts,he made me smile,he made me proud.

When he did all that..........WITHIN me........i sang.


i was in love......i was hopelessly in love.
you might be skeptical about the idea.....but in a 17 year old's writing....don look out for reasoning.

shattered glass,brittle flowers n a broken heart..........

Its over...and I'm single........i know this is a weird introduction.....but right now i cant seem to think of anything else.......and yeah....I'm heart broken...no prizes for guessing!

firstly...this is NOT to win your sympathy nor is it a rally against love....
this isn't a sob story....it isn't an idea to grab HIS attention n win him back.....
this IS....just ma way of savouring a few exquisite memories n sharing them with you.....a public love journal kinda thing....

This.....is a TRIBUTE to the experience of a lifetime......thanks to a certain "him".

now....for a trip down memory lane.......here goes....

its the 12th of February 2006....a annoyingly warm afternoon.....ma mobile rang.

Amidst lots of senseless,sugar-sweet blabbing on the other end.... he asked me....the already hot day just got sunnier....i still haven figured out why he did...nor has he.

this was followed by an equally awkward "YES" four days later......much to the irritation of ma closest frenz.....n they were ready for him...IT WAS WAR!

Hes just taller than me n has sweet,ebony,caramel skin ,thick dark hair,bright sparkly eyes that SO mirror his thoughts n a gorgeous gorgeous smile that knocks you straight off your feet!
not many think hes great lookin......but i found him more swoon-worthy than any MR.universe........he was perfect.......he was MINE.

he reminds me of a thick slab of chocolate-dark,smooth,Delicious,addictive,....make that a thick slab of BITTER-SWEET chocolate.......