Seven months ago, came a stroke of good luck;
in the form of a best friend; a real, real best friend.
A guy who laughed along with me about my biggest embarrassments;
A guy who caught onto every word & remembered to remember when I questioned him.
A best friend.
A best friend who knew how I breathed, where I walked, when I laughed, why I cried;
A best friend who knew what warmed me, what broke me.
A best friend who was there- all the time.
A best friend who was just a sleepy phone call away- at 3:45 AM.
A best friend who lifted me from my deepest emotional lows.
In him, I refound part of myself I thought I’d lost forever.
In him, I learnt so much that I never knew existed.
Most importantly, in him, I rediscovered my humour; I refound my laughter.
Seven months ago, I struck great luck;
In the form of a best friend.
A best friend so special that I even forgot to miss having a boy friend.:)
Today, he is in love.
Head over heels in love, & almost sinfully happy about it.
I couldn’t possibly have been more intent & involved in helping him find this happiness.
I couldn’t possibly be more delighted for him.
But suddenly, my world has turned upside down.
Suddenly, I find myself wading through weekends without him.
Suddenly, I find myself being forced to smile understandingly, when he promises to call back.
I find myself listening to his love thank me for having ‘taken care of him‘.
I find myself numb with shock, for some reason.
I find myself feeling pride & delight & a twinge of agony when I hear him declare that his love has replaced me as the best thing that ever happened to him.
On one hand, I’m coping up, only quite well, & nearly wholly happily, to being ‘second-most’ .
On the other, I’m finding it plain impossible to digest the fact that someone else loves him more than I do or claims to; that someone else knows him better than I do or claims to.
Suddenly, I find myself, quite senselessly, blaming even MY being busy on that someone else.
Suddenly, I find myself blaming our smallest arguments & the slightest distance, on his new-found “love”.
Suddenly, I find myself wondering if I ever were 'first-best'!
Suddenly, I feel LONELY.
Suddenly, I’m completely lost!
I feel juvenile, immature & even inconsiderate.
I also feel human.
I don’t wish to be treated like a princess.
I don’t wish to be first priority.
I just want to be included too.
As much as I want him to be blissfully happy in love; I also want him to bother to laugh at a crow on an electric cable.
I want him to bother to call me ‘also’ in the middle of his class to tell me about his professor wearing his pants at his chest!
I want him to assure me that there is no ‘personal space’!
I want him to promise me that ‘WE’ never will be done.
Seven months ago, I struck blinding brilliant luck;
In the form of a best friend.
This is to remind him of what he already knows.
This is to remind him to remember every word i'm writing now- ALWAYS.
Seven months ago, I struck GOLD;
in the form of a best friend.
A real, real best friend.
I CANNOT see him go.